MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
