there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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