I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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