How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
ok first of all what the fuck
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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