I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
