the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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