i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
