WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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