So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
