The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
