Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
