Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
