god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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