i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going