Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
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it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
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They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.