i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.