I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho