Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
birth control should be required to get into college
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
