I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
God I need to hump something, right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
