Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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