Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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