A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
