she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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