she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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