My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize