so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
