Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Pants are for mortals
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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