I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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