I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
