I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
