The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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