All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
