i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
