And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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