I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Even my vagina gasped.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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