Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My vagina just clenched in fear
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
