Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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