I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
