i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
