I CAN MOONWALK!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
