I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
