I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
