it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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