Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
