you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
