I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
