Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
