We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
