Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
