i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
her facebook's as public as her vagina
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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