Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
