so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
