Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
