I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
