i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
