the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
