I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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