sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Couch. On fire.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
