it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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