Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
