lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
