turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
