A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
