we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I love you.
Bad choice
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
