I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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