I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
