who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
