You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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