I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
