i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
