fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
