But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
