seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
