you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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